Graduate Education Professor

So, if you ever go to school for teaching or education, they always teach you to scaffold and give sufficient parameters for every assignment you give. I find it interesting that graduate level professors in the education profession cannot do the same. All of these professors have been through education schooling, so why would they not know? Just because I am grown and a graduate student, it does not mean that you do not have to fully explain the assignments you give! In fact, I expect you to explain it better because we can meet and exceed the parameters given. The part that bugs me most is that the student gets screwed in the long run. When a teacher does not given proper directions and instructions, the students end up getting points taken off because they did not perform up to expectations, but you didn't even know what the expectations were! This current grad class is going to kill me. I will do everything in my power to not have this professor again. I just don't understand how you can be a teacher and not know that you need to give your expectations of what you want and how you want it. GIVE DETAIL! Ugh! It makes me want to get my doctorate so that I can go be a college or graduate professor and do things the right way!

Today also hit me hard again that I won't be at my current job. It hurts so much. I care about these people that I work with and have made relationships with these people. I am even doing well with not pulling back just because I know that I am leaving. Every time that I know I will be leaving somewhere and will be hurt by the loss of relationships, I pull away and hurt myself before it really happens. I haven't done that. In fact, I have been solidifying my relationships in the hopes that I will by some miracle be staying. The more I hear about the budget situation, the less hope I have about staying in my current profession. No one will be hiring in my profession and it is killing me. I know that if I stop I will never return. Deep in my heart of hearts, I would like to wish that this will not discourage me and prevent me from doing what I have enjoyed doing, but I think that it will. As per my last post, there are so many doubts and questions that are going on in my brain. I am unsure what to think. I hate having to leave friends, make new ones, and am petrified of major changes that I did not pre-allow to happen! It's not fair that I have to leave, and I have become so attached. I have even become attached to people that I just met this year! I never make friends that quick. I hate this! I hate that I am so willing to still do so much for that place even though I know that I am leaving and may not be able to survive because they let me go. I do it because I want the people I leave behind to have it good. I want them to be able to have the legacy I can leave behind. I hate that I have to pack up my entire work space and move it all out. I don't have space in my apartment for all that. Everyone is giving me the pity party when they find out, but so many are just avoiding it or giving me small talk. Except those who are closest to me and know how I feel about the whole situation, I always analyze everything they say. I always wonder what people are thinking of me when they look at me. I can't help it. I hate feeling like I am being talked about and judged. It is not fun by any mean, but that is exactly what I feel like is happening whether or not it truly is. Sigh. I need to get some sort of outlet.

Well, it is way later than I should have been staying up. Maybe I will pull an "all-nighter" and get some of the grad work done so that the next time I wake up I can have a small breather before the next week of classes start. Then I can get the work for my job done. Sigh.