New year... new prospects?

This week has been a rough one. It started with Christmas until now. I can't say that Christmas was horrible because it was good. I felt loved and remembered in the beginning half, but felt forgotten and left out in the second half. It was a difficult realization. Since then, it has been difficult having those thoughts in my head.

Then this week, I was looking at jobs like I always do and felt so hopeless. I tried looking outside my field, but anything that would even begin to cover bills (plus insurance which I need but can't afford) needs more experience and education within that field. Oh how I wish I was in a classroom teaching! Looking into subbing has proved to be discouraging as well. If I go into subbing, I would have to rely solely on subbing and subbing jobs to support myself, which also would probably not be enough. Then during spring break, I would not make anything (not good) and would have to find some sort of summer job to support myself. All this I would need to do while continuing to look for a permanent job.

Although I know that there are many people that are worse off than myself, it would be so much more helpful to have family that lived near by that I could move in with (and not be a burden) and put my stuff in storage. I find myself so often on the verge of tears and then play mindless computer games or watch tv to keep my mind from thinking. It becomes so overwhelming at times. I wish there was a job that I could work, that I was qualified for, that would support me, that would allow me to continue the tutoring commitments I already have, and that was available! Sigh. I know that God supplies all of my needs, but it is so scary to think of not being able to pay my bills and being evicted out of my apartment. :( I cannot help but be fearful and worry. I feel like I would have no where to really go. It gets so lonely here sometimes when I realize how far away people that could help me are. Sadly, I also realize that even if I was living with them, I would have trouble finding a job there as well.

I just really need a miracle... or a job or of money to cover me until that job comes available. I search relentlessly without any glimmers of hope. I keep hoping and praying that as the "normal" hiring time comes around (Feb, Mar, Apr) that people will be hiring even though budget cuts are still coming.

On a semi-positive note, I am working out again. It feels really good. I am taking it slower, but it is helping me feel "happier" during the day and makes me sleep better at night. It helps a lot and will help my image as well. I am hoping by the time I end up getting a job that I will be in shape and it will be a lifestyle for me. I have worked hard to cook better and we will see how it works. Travis seems to be liking my cooking, so I guess it can't be that bad. I am walking in my dad's shoes... testing out my recipes and cooking methods on myself and Travis. :) So far, I haven't made anyone sick. Hopefully, I will begin to take more of an interest in cooking and go shopping based upon recipes and using fresh food. I imagine I could spend a month with my cousin, Anne, and she could teach me how to cook healthy and master a bunch of different recipes.