Slacker

So I have been a slacker and not updated in a while. I am usually so busy on the computer that I forget, even though I put a widget on my computer just so I would remember. I also have an app on my phone, but apparently that is too much too. Things have been crazy and all upside down.

Family... I am still not speaking to my mom. Dad probably has no clue. Talking with my siblings is not really something that I do either. My cousins are great, mainly one. She is wonderful and we click so well together now that we are older. Although, we have always pretty much clicked, it's just more pronounced now.

Friends... My bestie up north and I.... um yeah. It's pretty rocky on my end for money reasons. I don't know how this is going to work. I can't handle it much longer. I hold my tongue, but I can't keep it calm for much longer. I know that words are very powerful, but this is getting to me a little much. I know we are besties and all, but there are some things that you just don't do. My bestie here, he is phenomenal! He has kept me sane and grounded here. I have become disconnected from quite a few of the people that I have been closer too and he has totally picked up the slack on that and is there for me 24/7. When I need him to be there, he shows up. When I need him to make me feel like a million bucks, he comes through and more. The other day we had lunch at one of our many "spots" and he just made me feel like I was worth so much more than I know. I heard that a lot this week, but it's always different coming from him.

Relationship... we are up and down all the time. I don't know how much longer my love for him can hold on by this thin thread he has me on. The thread goes from thick to thin so quickly. I don't think I could live with things as they are for the rest of my life. I might be looking elsewhere soon if things don't get better. He really should be getting tips from my friends who know me the best, aka besties!

Job... My job situation is still the same. My last day is quickly approaching. I began taking some of the smaller things down and storing them in the room if they are supposed to stay there and taking home things that are mine. sigh. I hate this part. I started crying while I was doing it. Good thing I had music and work to consume my thoughts. I was up there for about 3 or 4 hours, which is the longest I have been up there on a weekend lately. Searching for a new job has proved to be an epic fail right now. I have applied to a bunch. I might have to look for something outside of the profession I want soon. However, I know that if I leave my current profession, there is no guarantee that I will actually continue in the direction I am going, which sort of saddens me.

I think I might just be ready to throw in the towel sometimes. There is just so much to do. However, I have been tanning, doing an infrared sauna, dieting, drinking more water, and exercising. All of that has really given me more energy and a body weight to strive for. That has been totally helpful for me. Now to find a way to get to NJ and have fun for 2 weeks this summer without going broke!