Messy

I'm getting quite frustrated by people being messy and so nosey! Why is it that at the end if the year when things should be winding down, especially with all the paperwork we have to do, that people feel the need to get shady and break the rules? The tension with one person could cut the air, but protocol was broken and I called the person out, never mind that the whole situation should have never happened. Then, another was asking me information which would clearly break confidentiality because the info would go to outside persons. That is not legal people! The worst part is then a round about method was attempted to find out info when I refused to give it. I feel like I am being tested and pushed to do things that are not right. It is frustrating to have to continually fight it with people who should have the same standards because the law says so! Grr.
On top of that, the latter situation has been an all year thing. My professional knowledge and opinions have been constantly questioned. I am an advocate for those I work with and always do what is in their best interest. So why is what I am doing being called into question by people who do not have the knowledge background or even allowed to be privy to the information? I just don't understand! I feel like I'm being attacked. I feel that this program that was supposed to help those I work with is now becoming a hindrance. I wish some of them would try to do and deal with what I do on a daily basis and give their ALL into the job.
All this is just added stress that I didn't need at the end of the year. The spirals it is sending me down are ridiculous! My coping is slowing becoming nonexistent. My motivation is slowly being drained. I can do this job and the drama that naturally comes with it, but when adding messy people who just do whatever without considering the consequences (which can be legal ones) are just frustrating. 4 more days. Maybe a change will occur over the summer....

Brick wall

So, I feel like emotionally I've hit a brick wall. I guess it's just my depression kicking into high gear. I've been coming home and going right to sleep against all efforts to the contrary. Part of it is knowing my students have their last day today, well most of them anyway, and the rest is who knows. Anything can set me off into a spiral which is what I hate the most. I hate not knowing what causes it sometimes. It just appears. I just begin to feel self hatred and lack of anything positive for no reason! It's awful. I'd rather be able to pinpoint the reason to at least have a semblance of a solution. It's also frustrating because people will ask what is wrong or how they can help but sometimes I don't even know. I swear that they think I'm crazy. Maybe I am.
On the positive though, even with medication, these lows also bring highs eventually. When I love, I love hard and with everything I've got. When I give of myself, I give everything I have into it. I put my heart into everything, which I guess is sometimes my downfall because when things are over it hurts. Perfect example is my precious students having their last day today. I'm so attached to these kids.
However, I really am ready for another break. I'm ready to catch up on sleep. I'm ready to get things together to make next year even better than this year! I enjoy creating and building up the curriculum and this summer I will have the time to do it. That is truly exciting for me. I'm also going to attempt getting back into walking/working out to help me with my emotions and moods because I hate that I get this way.
Enough venting. Time to get up and get ready for the last day with some of my babies.