Dave and Sarah's Rehearsal

Please don't mind the wobbling camera or the peanut gallery comments. :)

In this video, I wanted to capture the wonderful music, which I capture in later clips.

 

In this clip, I give a tour of the wedding ceremony area and the reception area. 

 

This is the beginning of the clip of the wedding rehearsal in order.

Thanksgiving... (mainly for Anne)

Wednesday - Arrival day for many. It ended up that most of us were able to meet up at dinner time. It was nice to be able to see everyone. After dinner, Kaitlyn convinced me to play in the pool, where I sat on the edge. Megan joined in while the rest of the family talked and played cards by the pool side. It was rare to see someone by themselves or in a room. When people were finally heading to bed, Kaitlyn still wanted to play, but conceeded to go to bed with the promise of more adventures the next day.

Thursday -- Happy Thanksgiving! Surprisingly many of us got up early in the morning and headed out to breakfast. I got to sit with Uncle Lance, Auntie M, Andrew, and Sarah. We had lots of interesting conversation. Following that, many of us sat around talking while we Skyped you. An old PE teacher came from the Double Tree side to visit with the siblings of your mom.

Then we started to get ready for Thanksgiving. The grownups met with Grandma first and then the rest of us came in for the service. The cousins led a lot of it, while Aunt Sandy led the order and Uncle Lance led the "tuning" of the songs. It went very well. They got emotional as I spoke and especially when I got to the part that Anne (you) wrote. It was very meaningful for many of them. We of course, sang How Great Thou Art. Most of us at my table, commented on how much better the food was compared to previous years, especially last year! The food was divine!

Afte eating came the dreaded pictures, but they went suprisingly quick this year. I was impressed. Immediately following, Kaitlyn changed into swimwear and convinced me to sit by the side of the pool and watch again as Megan and Emily joined her. Finally, I got her out as the water got colder.

Aunt Sandy took out Toy Story 3 uno which was played by many different people before and following the food time. The "snack" time was pretty good. We even had John's girlfriend come to Thanksgiving and meet the family. For now, I have become Kaitlyn's best friend and babysitter until I leave for wedding festivities. Most of the grownups are now playing cards and we were shown a Thanksgiving photo book thing from 2000 with lots of pictures of us and things we wrote to Pop-Pop and Mom-Mom about why we were thankful. We were so little and "cute" then!

Until later...

Reverting

So today begins day 3 of my new workout attempt. I think I secretly want to be skinny and pretty for Thanksgiving and my brother's wedding. My vanity came out to play. I believe I have placed it back where it belong and am back to doing it for the right reasons again. It makes me wonder how often in my life I have looked good but swore to myself I was not acceptable until I look back years later. It makes me hate society for placing this mindset on women and myself for buying into it when I slip into that mindset. I am feeling the effects of working out though so I know that I am doing something right for my body. I also know that my "bf" will appreciate it since he enjoys working out. Thankfully he is not completely about my image, although I am sure he wouldn't mind me being a healthier weight but usually he is bugging me about being healthy, not my weight.

Now to the reverting part of my post. I know that lately I have been on my emotional days as I call them. Normally I am not a very emotional person but when you catch me on those days beware! :) I spoke to a friend that I thought I had lost connection with years ago. I had made peace with losing the friendship but open to regaining it if the opportunity arose. It was a relationship I had strong ties wih and associations with my high school years, not my emotionally fondest. I was a needy, hurt, angry, depressed teen. I have grown a lot since then. I would say more through suppression, but through current friendships and relationships I believe I have been dealing with much of it now. This long desired conversation brought back many of the old feelings from that time period, especially since I am overly emotional now as it is. I am beyond determined to not go back to NJ and become a shy and submissive person. I have become someone much more independent and self-sufficient. I am going back a stronger person. However, if I do find myself reverting back when I get there I will know whether or not I have dealt with issues from my past. Subconscious memory does that to us, informs us when we are not ok. I believe I am ready though and this conversational regression was just from me being emotional. I just found it so odd how much I still had hidden away that one conversation brought up!

On a good note, I am mostly finished with my homework for the week, which means I can wrap all the presents for Texas people when they get here this weekend/beginning of next week. I also will be able to decorate the apartment for Christmas before I leave for Thanksgiving, which will be nice to come back to. Off to dreamland for a little bit so I can get the rest of my homework done. Apparently, I am on Korean time with my cousin again. :)

Korea cannot stop us

So yesterday was a good day. I believe my cousin and I talk more now that she is in Korea than we did in the states. It was great to just sit and talk with someone and to know that even though we are separated by distance, we can still collaborate and plot for Thanksgiving as always. Since I don't know when we have built a beautiful friendship. It has been such a blessing.

Lately, I have also been finishing my graduate work early so I can have the weekends to work on my Christmas cards. I am hoping to find my old Christmas letters to add to that blog, but that will come in time. I am just thankful for the responses to address I have received and the headway I have made at getting the letters out.

As the weather changes, finally, here in Texas, I am reminded that my adventure back to NJ is rapidly approaching. I hope to also see an old friend as she gets ready to watch her sister get married. I also get to see such a blessing for my brother when I return to the North during Thanksgiving. Tomorrow I also am blessed to be able to spend Halloween helping my little ones experience adventure at fall festivals and hunting for candy. :)

Well off to continue Christmas cards or snuggle next to someone warm. It's a bit cold outside!

One year ago...

I wanted to wait until I had finished all of my homework for the end of this class before I wrote about today. I have wanted to write about it all day, so now I finally get to.

One year ago today, I woke up to get ready to hit the snooze button before getting ready for work when I saw a text from my dad. The text told me that grandpa died during the night. After that, I didn't tell anyone until after school. I went through the day as if nothing was different. Of course, when I did tell people they were upset with me that I didn't tell them, but I didn't want to start with the sympathies. I needed to get through the day with my kids and it was a Friday, so that means it was crazy anyway.

I had homework to do that night and I am sure grading. There was probably also a football game that I talked myself out of. All I truly remember is walking through the day almost in a daze and then trying to figure out how I was getting home for the memorial. I already knew I was going to miss the viewing, which I wish that I didn't, but it was necessary. I am so grateful my aunt and uncle made it possible for me to see him before he died. I am glad that I decided to go. They were also the ones that helped to ease my worries about making it to the memorial service.

A year ago today, I still had a job. I was working and stressed, but had a job doing something that I love with cute little munkins. I had friends that I worked with that I enjoyed spending time with. Sadly, I actually enjoyed the stress. I must say that I actually have been enjoying the time of rest that God has granted to me, but sometimes I grow weary of it.

You want to know the best part about this time of rest though? I have been able to catch up on sleep, which I love. I was able to attend my cousin, Chris's wedding. During that time, I was able to spend quality time with my mom and family, which was so nice. I loved the shopping and bonding time with mom the most of course. The only bad part was the travelling. I am also able to attend Thanksgiving again, along with my brother's wedding and some extra time at home. I guess I should really not complain, but it would be nice to be able to have money to lavish on other people or go out sometimes again.

Well, I believe that it is time for me to head to bed now so I can start my break tomorrow. :)

Heaven is For Real

Since school started a week or so ago, things have not been easy. Sleep is sporadic, but I take it when it comes. I have chosen to forget that I am jobless and that in my brain equated to "no one wants you". It has filled me with many emotions and different people. Anger, rage, hurt, disappointment, betrayal, and the list goes on. Mostly, I am frustrated that I seem to no longer have a purpose for things. I complete graduate work and do nothing else with my day. I have no energy and no love for life... or anything for that matter.

As I went to sleep tonight, I decided to read a bit on my lovely Nook. I had seen a few of my friends comment on how wonderful Heaven is For Real was to read, so I decided I should read it. I had just finished a series, so I decided I could do this one to have a change in flavor. I flew through the book and was amazed. It was a good read and made me truly think. Funny how lately I had been thinking about death, heaven, hell, and the reality of God. I must say that this whole job and life in general has put a toll on my faith and my reality... if I ever really had one. There are many times when I know what I believe and others where I am like "who am I kidding?". I can speak so much truth and yet not believe it all myself. Sometimes, all the time, when things come out of my mouth laced with truth and love from the throne, I know that is exactly where it comes. It is not really ever out of my mouth, but His speaking to whom ever I am physically talking to. It always amazes me, but then I wonder how I lack so much in faith.

After reading that book, it brought a lot of thoughts to my mind, especially because it's almost a year since Grandpa died. He is truly the first person in my life who has died that I was close to, that had any meaning in my life. I always wondered in truth whether those who have died watch us and truly look over us from heaven. In my loneliness many things go through my mind. These years of living completely alone have been so difficult and pulling at my faith. When I began living on my own, November 2009, started the hardest parts of my life. I had never truly lived alone until then. Living with other people around you changes things. Yes, there are times when we all need a little "me time" and solitude, but not all the time. Teaching gave me other people with whom to interact, but now I have once again succeeded in cutting myself off from most all other living flesh. I hardly leave the house and wonder how my Grandma does it. After being married and living with my Grandpa for over 50 years, how does she live alone? I cannot imagine! How does she keep her prayer life and seeking after God so strong with all that loneliness and with that void? I cannot fathom it! However, while I was at her house during my week with her, I noticed I found God a lot more within that house. I woke up while she was out walking and would bask in the sweet presence of God in the cool mornings with nature on her porch. Later, she told me that was Grandpa's favorite spot too... the porch. I could not help but bask in that beauty. I spent most of my time out there and accomplish the most productive work of my graduate career out there. I think I probably owe a lot of that to the prayer that the house was surely covered in. After reading that book, reflecting on my time at her house, and looking at my own loneliness struggles, I admire my Grandma more for her strength... or at least the strength that she portrays. I know that we all have our own struggles and when people are around it is easier to forget about them, but I do not believe that is the case with her.

Anyway, these have been my sleepless thoughts since I finished the book 3 hours ago. I should have gotten more rest since I planned on getting my nails done today before heading over to lunch with Lizzy and the family. My nails are coming up and it's getting caught on my hair! Today will be one of those strength for others days when I will go there, be fine, and have fun only to come home and be hit with the harsh realization that I am still alone in this apartment without a job. Sigh. I do not like this at all. Perhaps this is my sign that I cannot deal with this on my own anymore and should seek out more help? Hmm... a thought to contemplate. The book has definitely sparked some thought and made me wish I was back in my "shouting days" and love of singing, God, and others. I was a zealous middle schooler/high schooler. I wish I could go back to that era, before my world changed at 16.... but we must not live in the victories and zeal of the past.

Now to try at get some sleep before my alarm goes off at 9! Sleeping to the Gateway College Choir... awesome choir with awesome anointing if you needed some good listening!

Procrastination

Sometimes I sit and wonder how procrastination became my friend. So often we sit and debate with each other about what to do. I don't quite remember when we became friends. I believe it just crept upon me. I got to know procrastination as a middle schooler (or that's as far back as I can remember). Between the art of B.S. (brilliant storytelling according to Dr. Johnson) that was learned at an early age and the leniency of teacher with a hint of intelligence, I think procrastination found all the common thread of a friendship. Over the years, procrastination has been there for me, but a good friend no more. I need to drop this friendship quickly and find a new friend. I have been trying to get to know self-determination and motivation lately, but they are having a hard time connecting with me since procrastination and I have been friends for so long. In recent years, procrastination has not controlled me as much as it used to in earlier years, but I still believe the friendship has come to an end. I am just not sure if new friends will come along or not and how strong those bonds will be in the future. I am not good with letting go... and procrastination is one that I will have trouble with because we have been friends for so long. However, I believe that perhaps it is time.

Thoughts? How did you break your friendship with procrastination?