So, I feel like emotionally I've hit a brick wall. I guess it's just my depression kicking into high gear. I've been coming home and going right to sleep against all efforts to the contrary. Part of it is knowing my students have their last day today, well most of them anyway, and the rest is who knows. Anything can set me off into a spiral which is what I hate the most. I hate not knowing what causes it sometimes. It just appears. I just begin to feel self hatred and lack of anything positive for no reason! It's awful. I'd rather be able to pinpoint the reason to at least have a semblance of a solution. It's also frustrating because people will ask what is wrong or how they can help but sometimes I don't even know. I swear that they think I'm crazy. Maybe I am.
On the positive though, even with medication, these lows also bring highs eventually. When I love, I love hard and with everything I've got. When I give of myself, I give everything I have into it. I put my heart into everything, which I guess is sometimes my downfall because when things are over it hurts. Perfect example is my precious students having their last day today. I'm so attached to these kids.
However, I really am ready for another break. I'm ready to catch up on sleep. I'm ready to get things together to make next year even better than this year! I enjoy creating and building up the curriculum and this summer I will have the time to do it. That is truly exciting for me. I'm also going to attempt getting back into walking/working out to help me with my emotions and moods because I hate that I get this way.
Enough venting. Time to get up and get ready for the last day with some of my babies.
Friday, May 27
Brick wall
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Hello Becky. I am a Pastor from Mumbai, India. Your post on Break Wall is not your cry only. Every one goes through this phase of life and we learn through our experience and when we trust the LORD JESUS CHRIST then every situation and circumstances where bad of good, He uses it for our good because of our love for Him. Be assured of my prayers for you. Can you imagine that God can make some one to pray for you who is from the other part of the world and this is more encouraging for those who trust the Lord. I am blessed and feel privileged and honored to get connected with you as well as know you through your profile on the blogger and the blog post because of who you are in the Lord Jesus Christ. I have been in the Pastoral ministry for last 37 yrs in this great city of Mumbai a city with a great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. we reach out to the poorest of poor with the love of Christ to bring healing to the broken hearted. We also encourage young and the adults from the west to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. we would love to have you come with your friends to work with us during your vacation time. God willing I will be coming to the United States in the month of JULY AND WILL BE SO glad to drop by your place and meet other friends of yours to share about the possibility of going on a missions trip to Mumbai to work with us during your vacation time. I am sure you will have a life changing experience. My email id is: dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede. Looking forward to hear from you very soon. God's richest blessings on you, your family and friends and also wishing you a blessed and a Christ centered rest of the year 2016
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