Reverting

So today begins day 3 of my new workout attempt. I think I secretly want to be skinny and pretty for Thanksgiving and my brother's wedding. My vanity came out to play. I believe I have placed it back where it belong and am back to doing it for the right reasons again. It makes me wonder how often in my life I have looked good but swore to myself I was not acceptable until I look back years later. It makes me hate society for placing this mindset on women and myself for buying into it when I slip into that mindset. I am feeling the effects of working out though so I know that I am doing something right for my body. I also know that my "bf" will appreciate it since he enjoys working out. Thankfully he is not completely about my image, although I am sure he wouldn't mind me being a healthier weight but usually he is bugging me about being healthy, not my weight.

Now to the reverting part of my post. I know that lately I have been on my emotional days as I call them. Normally I am not a very emotional person but when you catch me on those days beware! :) I spoke to a friend that I thought I had lost connection with years ago. I had made peace with losing the friendship but open to regaining it if the opportunity arose. It was a relationship I had strong ties wih and associations with my high school years, not my emotionally fondest. I was a needy, hurt, angry, depressed teen. I have grown a lot since then. I would say more through suppression, but through current friendships and relationships I believe I have been dealing with much of it now. This long desired conversation brought back many of the old feelings from that time period, especially since I am overly emotional now as it is. I am beyond determined to not go back to NJ and become a shy and submissive person. I have become someone much more independent and self-sufficient. I am going back a stronger person. However, if I do find myself reverting back when I get there I will know whether or not I have dealt with issues from my past. Subconscious memory does that to us, informs us when we are not ok. I believe I am ready though and this conversational regression was just from me being emotional. I just found it so odd how much I still had hidden away that one conversation brought up!

On a good note, I am mostly finished with my homework for the week, which means I can wrap all the presents for Texas people when they get here this weekend/beginning of next week. I also will be able to decorate the apartment for Christmas before I leave for Thanksgiving, which will be nice to come back to. Off to dreamland for a little bit so I can get the rest of my homework done. Apparently, I am on Korean time with my cousin again. :)